March 30, 2004

That's Hollywood, Madam

As Cinecultist's harrowing challenge to ourselves to watch a Made For TV movie every day this week continues, we took in USA's Call Me: The Rise And Fall of Heidi Fleiss, a version of the Hollywood madam's career and subsequent jailing. Like any '80s/'70s excess rags to riches to rags story there are certain obligatory scenes, as the plot steam rolls to its inevitable conclusion and Call Me is no different. The obligatory sex-and-money montage with "Relax Don't Do It" playing on the soundtrack. The obligatory cut-away-to-spurting-fountain to allude to another kind of shooting. The obligatory Heidi-converts-innocent-girls-to-hooking montage. And of course as it all goes down, the obligatory torching-the-diary-on-the-BBQ sequence. Jamie-Lynn Discala, our sweet little Meadow and Broadway's Belle in Beauty and the Beast, wants us to know she's all growed up. CC has now seen Discala's coke snorting face and fake orgasm face a few too many times than is really necessary.

A few choice quotes culled from Call Me's classic dialogue:

As Heidi gestures to her honking diamond ring, "It's from the richest guy in Brazil. I like to wear it with sweatpants, it looks Arab."

Heidi: What business are we talking about here, show business or hooking?
Pockmarked boyfriend/pimp Yvan: Same thing.

Because I'm the only girl she (Russian Madam Alex) knows that can add and subtract.

Heidi on her former mentor, Madam Alex: Sometimes I really hate that fat mumu slob.

I don't hook anymore, I'm management now.

Toothless Vice Officer: There's a bull dyke in Lompoc who's just waiting to meet you.
Heidi: Stop sergeant, you're making me all wet.

Even in the fast lane, you never quite knew when you'd be pulled over.

And CC's personal favorite: If only my Hebrew school teacher could see me now.

Posted by karen at March 30, 2004 8:19 AM